


Quietly, in the night

by vivaldis_lover



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Singing, Surprise Kissing, some implied fjord/sabian but you have to squint to find it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-08 04:03:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21469765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivaldis_lover/pseuds/vivaldis_lover
Summary: There are things that can happen only in the protective embrace of the night. Caleb and Fjord coming clean about their feelings is one of them.
Relationships: Fjord/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 10
Kudos: 156





	Quietly, in the night

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta'd. Also I'm very sleepy as I'm finishing this, so there may be more mistakes that usual, be merciful

Fjord stumbled out of his room looking for some water to quench his sudden nightly thirst. He had been woken up by a weird dream, where he had found himself lost in a strange forest full of ruins and a rabbit had started talking to him with Vandran’s voice. Awake, he had realized his mouth was terribly dry and he had voted for a little trip to the kitchen.

“_Weh, weh, mein Herz ist schwer…_”

Fjord stopped. He was pretty sure he was hallucinating. There, in the middle of the hallways, he stretched his neck to listen to what his ears had caught.

“_Gab im Fr__ü__ling meine Liebsten her…_”

That was definitely a song and it came from the library. He frowned.

He wasn’t even alerted by the sounds, it could only be one of the others: no intruder would have started singing in the middle of the night while breaking into someone else’s house.

“_Seine wilde Rose bl__ü__ht nicht mehr…_”

Fjord decided to stop by the kitchen to get his water before investigating the origin of the song. Although _investigating_ was a strong word: he was sure he knew who the source was, he just had to figure out _what the hell he was doing_. So with his cup of fresh water in his hand and some questions in mind, he went to the library.

He peered inside before walking in. Sitting at the desk, back to him, was Caleb, hunched over something, probably a book,_ most likely_ a book. He was still singing that song, and it looked like he was writing. The hair falling around his face revealed the pale back of his neck. He had no candle lit: the light came from a few globes floating in the air.

He didn’t make his presence immediately known. It was rare to catch Caleb so unguarded and spontaneous. He had _never _heard him sing before – he had probably overheard something, once, a few months before, when the part of the group had entered a drinking competition. But this was coherent and deliberate.

He discreetly knocked on the doorframe. Despite that, Caleb lightly jumped in his seat and quickly turned around.

“Oh, it’s you.”

“Just me,” said Fjord and walked in to go and seat in front of Caleb.

He now could see the tome open in the middle of the table and the paper and quill that Caleb had been using until that point. He was just transcribing spells.

“Can’t sleep?”

Caleb looked down at his papers.

“Ja,” he whispered. “A bad dream woke me up.”

Fjord nodded. Thinking back to when Caleb had shown those terrible scars, Fjord got a pretty good idea of what kind of bad dreams Caleb could have.

“And you?”

“I just needed something to drink,” he said, raising his cup.

Silence fell for a few moments, as Fjord drank some of his water and Caleb closed the tome to get another one.

“Writing calms you?” asked Fjord putting down his cup.

“It distracts me,” answered Caleb. “Helps me focus on something.”

Fjord watched the soft and delicate hands of the wizard move quickly on the paper and compared them to his, strong and callous from holding ropes and wood. He thought about how much deadlier Caleb’s hands were.

He watched Caleb write for a while. Caleb looked up at him a couple of times, like he was surprised to find Fjord still there. But Fjord didn’t mind that: sitting in silence, watching the other occupied in a mundane activity. Caleb’s grasp on the arcane had always fascinated Fjord. He had never borrowed power from deities or demigods: it all came from him and from knowing how to harness the world’s intrinsic magic. He was occasionally intimidated by his intellect.

“What were you singing?”

Caleb stopped writing and raised his head from the book.

“You heard me?”

“I did.”

A thin veil of redness covered Caleb’s ears.

“It’s… and old song. I learned it from my mother,” he explained.

“It was nice,” said Fjord. “You have a pleasant voice.”

Caleb just stared at him for a few seconds. Something was running behind his eyes, but Fjord couldn’t decipher what it was.

“Thank you.”

He looked to whatever he was writing, unsure whether to keep working on that or just give his attention to Fjord only. He opted for the latter and put his stuff aside.

“I’m a bit hungry,” he said, standing up and stretching. “Come with me?”

Fjord shrugged and followed Caleb back to the kitchen. The floating lights followed them too. He watched the man grab some bread and cheese from the pantry and sit at the table. He gestured to Fjord if he wanted some, but Fjord declined and sat next to him.

“What’s the meaning of that song?”

Caleb quickly translated it in his mind.

“_Oh, my heart is heavy, in spring I parted from my beloved and his wild rose doesn’t bloom anymore_,” recited Caleb. “But this is just the first part.”

“I would love to hear the rest of it,” said Fjord, in a tone that came out a little more suggestive than intended.

For the second time in the night, Caleb’s ears flared up.

“I’m not really a singer.”

“I disagree,” replied Fjord. “But I don’t want to put you on the spot.”

Caleb quietly finished chewing his mouthful of bread and Fjord drank the last of his water. When he turned his back to Caleb to put away his empty cup, the man started singing the rest of the song.

“_Mein Liebster zog in die Schlacht dahin…”_

Instinctively Fjord moved his head to the rhythm of the song. The song was almost a whisper. He had to not move anything if he wanted to hear it. Caleb’s voice, the fact that he was singing in his native language, the stillness of the house in the middle of the night, made the atmosphere soothing and almost healing. He was hypnotized.

He barely noticed that Caleb had stopped singing. He shook his head and sat back at the table, stealing a piece of bread from Caleb’s fingers.

“That was… something,” he said.

“As I said, I’m not a great singer.”

“No, I mean it was amazing.”

Caleb smiled faintly. Fjord wondered how long it had been since Caleb had sung that song out loud.

“I appreciate the flattery, but I’m sure you have a good singing voice too.”

Fjord chuckled.

“Mine’s only good for sea shanties, unfortunately.”

“I’ve never heard a sea shanty,” said Caleb. “Can I hear one?”

Fjord cleared his throat. How long had it been, since the last time he had joined his crew in a good song? He had lost count of the months. He heard Sabian’s voice, like he was right next to him.

“Yeah, of course.”

He closed his eyes and tried to recall one of the many songs they had sung together. Which one was the last one? It was one of his favorites…

“_Oh, the work was hard and the wages low-_“ he started.

For a moment he was thrown back to his life on the ocean. He could picture everything perfectly: the bright, oppressive sun, the endless blue of water and sky mixing together, the roughness of the ropes in his hands, Vandran’s voice shouting orders.

“_Leave her, Johnny, leave her…_”

He opened his eyes and there wasn’t Sabian anymore with him, but Caleb, who listened enraptured to his singing. He stumbled on his words, suddenly hit by the intensity of Caleb’s eyes and the focus with which he listened. The atmosphere they had created was weirdly intimate, but instead of making him uncomfortable, Fjord felt more at ease because of it.

The night had created a protective mantle over them. They felt safe under it.

He cut the song halfway. It was long and Fjord didn’t want to strain Caleb’s attention.

“That was good,” said Caleb. “You can go very… deep.”

Fjord felt like there was a joke he could make there, but he didn’t want to ruin whatever they had created.

“Did you like it? Your life on the sea,” asked Caleb.

Fjord shrugged.

“It was a good enough life for an orphan without much of a choice. There’s not a lot more to say about it.”

Caleb nodded.

There was something strange in the air, something that even Fjord was picking up. There was something that they wanted to say, something that was going to be said. He had no idea what that was.

Satisfied with his late night snack, Caleb put away the food. He stood in the middle of the room, looking uncertain.

“I think, uhm. I think I’m going back to bed. To try and catch some sleep.”

Fjord nodded. He followed Caleb up the stairs, his eyes fixed on the other man’s back.

He had said that they understood each other, but did they really? They were both curious, seeking understanding of the world around them, but there was an hunger in Caleb’s eyes that sometimes intimidated Fjord, an hunger that he had abandoned once he had given up Uk’otoa and that he no longer needed. What was Caleb still looking for, that made him so hungry? It was not power. Fjord was not the best at reading people, but he recognized greed and it was not greed what he could find in Caleb’s eyes.

He didn’t know a lot about Caleb. He wanted to know him.

He also wanted _him_. Something he had come to terms with in the last few weeks.

But Caleb looked so frail. It looked like the smallest, most unexpected thing was going to break him and Fjord didn’t want to risk undoing a hard-earned balance that Caleb had found, as unstable as that balance was. So he kept it there, right behind his ribs, waiting and waiting for a signal.

Caleb stopped in front of his room and turned to Fjord.

“I guess this is a goodnight, then?”

“Yeah, I guess,” said Fjord, without moving.

Caleb held his gaze for a few seconds, then looked at his feet.

“Well. Goodnight,” he said and turned to walk into his room.

Before he could do that, Fjord grabbed his wrist. He might not have been strong, but his hands had the grip of a sailor. Caleb turned with surprise painted all over his face.

“I understand you,” whispered Fjord. “But I don’t know you.”

Caleb just looked at him.

“What can I do to know you?” he asked. “You know me now, what little there is to know. How can I do the same? I trust you, but sometimes you look like you wish I didn’t. Like any of us didn’t. What happened that put that look in your eyes, Caleb?”

Caleb exhaled a shaky breath. He didn’t try to pull his hand free, he just kept it limp in Fjord’s grasp. Fjord saw again all those thoughts run behind Caleb’s eyes. He just wished he could find the key to set those thoughts free.

“Fjord,” said Caleb. “I- I will tell you. When I’m ready, I will come completely clean. Believe me.”

Fjord reflected for a moment, then let go of Caleb’s wrist.

“Alright. I’ll give you your time.” He put his hand on Caleb’s shoulder, close to his neck. “Just promise me you remember that we care about you, okay? This can’t change. Never doubt that.”

Caleb put his hand on Fjord’s. It was warm, soft, and reassuring. Fjord wondered if his touch felt as calming to Caleb.

“Ja.”

He looked like he wanted to say something more, then smiled.

“Last time the roles were reversed.”

Fjord quietly laughed.

And then Caleb kissed him.

Fjord didn’t react with surprise. When Caleb put his lips on his lips, it felt more like finding the right key to open the locked door: satisfying, expected. He couldn’t find shock in his body, so he allowed himself to be relieved.

_“Ah. So that’s what I had been waiting for.”_

Caleb didn’t linger, probably out of fear, probably out of respect. He took a step back inside his room and held Fjord’s gaze. There were no more thoughts running behind those blue eyes.

“Forgive me,” he said, almost out of breath. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while.”

Before Fjord could say anything, Caleb closed the door of his room, leaving Fjord there in the middle of the hallway, still processing the kiss.

So. _That _counted like a signal, right?

He knocked on the door and before waiting for Caleb to open, he walked in. The other was sitting on the bed, in the middle of taking off his boots. He closed the distance with a few steps and took Caleb’s face into his hands.

“You’re not the only one who’s wanted that for a while, you know?” he said.

Caleb inhaled deeply.

“Then do it.”

And Fjord kissed him. Caleb wasn’t shy anymore: he responded to the kiss with enthusiasm, the muscles of his neck relaxing and the tension leaving his body. He laid back and pulled Fjord down on the bed with him.

“Please,” he said, interrupting the kiss. “Tell me we’re not going to regret this.”

Fjord looked deeply into Caleb’s eyes. He could just say _yes_, he could just give an empty reassurance, but it would have felt so wrong. But on the other hand he could not imagine why he should have regretted this.

“I can’t tell you that we won’t,” he said. “But, as you reminded me, sometimes you have to get a little crazy.”

That seemed to somehow reassure Caleb, who laughed under his breath and kissed him again.

*

It had been a long time since the last time Fjord had woken up with a weight on his shoulder. He rubbed his eyes and looked at the red hair peeking out of the covers, resting peacefully on his right shoulder, facing away from him.

Where were they going from there? Was this an exception? Were they going to tell the others? There were a lot of questions that needed to be answered.

As Caleb started to wake, Fjord decided that they’d have to wait.

Caleb rubbed against him and turned to face him, eyes squinted and puffy for the lack of sleep.

“Good morning,” softly said Fjord.

Caleb grunted something that could have been a _good morning_ in response.

He wished they could have spent the morning like that: just the two of them, sleepy but calm, with no responsibilities demanding their attention. But there was an entire group of people living with them who was going to wake up soon.

“I better go back to my room,” said Fjord.

Caleb grabbed him tight and grumbled something.

“I know, but I don’t want the others finding us like this.

There was no response, but after a few seconds Caleb let go of Fjord. He quickly got dressed and then carefully opened the door to check if there was anyone in the hallway. He didn’t see anyone, so he made his way to his room, to change into clean clothes and pretend that he had spent his night there.

He was opening the door of his room when his attention was caught by a movement. He turned and saw Nott staring at him from the stairs, her gaze fixed on him and her body frozen.

_“Oh, shit.”_

He saw the goblin open her mouth and point a finger at him.

_“Well,”_ he thought, as Nott started screaming. _“There goes secrecy.” _

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated :)


End file.
